impossible-to-fuck-up hollandaise

One morning last winter I decided to get up and make myself some hollandaise sauce. I’m sure my plan was to just eat it all alone in one sitting. Anyway, it curdled in the double boiler I had rigged up so I tried again in the same pot, even though the pot I was using was the problem. Lo and behold, my second batch curdled right before my eyes. I ended up crying about it in the bathtub, you know, like you do. The point is, if you have fragile feefees and love hollandaise like I do, the blender-method (below) is a life saver. There is literally no way to fuck it up and it takes all of 5 minutes to make.

IMPOSSIBLE-TO-FUCK-UP HOLLANDAISE
serves 2, or 1 if you’re trying to drown your feelings in butter

2 egg yolks
1 tsp-1 tbs lemon juice
pinch of salt
4 tbs butter
pinch of lemon zest (optional)

Blend yolks, salt, as much lemon juice as you’re into in blender for 5 seconds.
Microwave butter until it’s completely melted & bubbly.
Pour bubbling hot butter in thin stream into blender mixture as it’s blending on low.
Serve immediately.

Are you tired endless white wine/shrimp combo recipes? Didn’t think so, but here’s one which uses red wine instead.I use the word “purple” loosely but with great conviction here…Meaning, it’s purple because I said it is. And because the merlot kind of makes it look that way. To be honest, I didn’t have white wine, or I would have used it instead. But to my delight, merlot does a really interesting job of working with traditional scampi ingredients and adds sort of a punch where white wine adds more of a sparkle. This recipe includes an amazing(ly simple) worth-buying-panko-for topping that satisfies any need you may have for a crispy, greasy, peppery crunch. Optional, yes, but highly recommended. Purple shrimp scampiserves 2 a LOT of butter (about 1/2 stick)some olive oilenough fettuccine for 2as many shrimp as you want1/2 head garlic, minced or squeezed through garlic pressred pepper flakesabout 1/2 cup merlotfresh chopped basil & parsleypanko flakes (optional)salt & pepper (lemon pepper pictured here)lemon juice (not pictured)arugula & spinach (optional) Cook fettuccine & drain when it’s al dente. Reserve about 1/3 cup of the pasta cooking water — it’s full of awesome starch that is very helpful in sauces.Heat a few tbs butter & olive oil (hint: use way more than you think you need) in a pan on medium heat. Add enough panko flakes to create a thin layer on the bottom of the pan. Season generously with salt & pepper and stir well. Reduce the heat to low and let the flakes get nice and toasty while you do the next steps. They can be kept on very low heat the whole time you cook, just make sure they don’t burn!Melt a few tbs butter and a little olive oil in a different, larger wok or skillet on low heat.Add garlic & as many red pepper flakes as you want. Stir frequently to make sure garlic doesn’t burn (this is important).After about 5 minutes, (or as long as your patience will allow) turn heat up to medium-high and add shrimp, stirring. Cook for 2-3 minutes until pink and almost opaque. Add enough wine to coat the bottom of the pan and then some. Let the wine boil and reduce, stirring often, for a few minutes or until it’s reduced a bit. Reduce heat to medium/medium-low.Add the fettuccine, reserved cooking water, chopped herbs, and a good squeeze of lemon juice to pan and stir well to incorporate (tongs are best for this). Season with salt & pepper and let it do its thing for a minute or two.If you want to be a classy grownup about it, saute a little arugula and tear raw spinach into your scampi.Divide into two bowls. Top it off with the fried panko flakes. Serve immediately.
Zoom Info
Are you tired endless white wine/shrimp combo recipes? Didn’t think so, but here’s one which uses red wine instead.I use the word “purple” loosely but with great conviction here…Meaning, it’s purple because I said it is. And because the merlot kind of makes it look that way. To be honest, I didn’t have white wine, or I would have used it instead. But to my delight, merlot does a really interesting job of working with traditional scampi ingredients and adds sort of a punch where white wine adds more of a sparkle. This recipe includes an amazing(ly simple) worth-buying-panko-for topping that satisfies any need you may have for a crispy, greasy, peppery crunch. Optional, yes, but highly recommended. Purple shrimp scampiserves 2 a LOT of butter (about 1/2 stick)some olive oilenough fettuccine for 2as many shrimp as you want1/2 head garlic, minced or squeezed through garlic pressred pepper flakesabout 1/2 cup merlotfresh chopped basil & parsleypanko flakes (optional)salt & pepper (lemon pepper pictured here)lemon juice (not pictured)arugula & spinach (optional) Cook fettuccine & drain when it’s al dente. Reserve about 1/3 cup of the pasta cooking water — it’s full of awesome starch that is very helpful in sauces.Heat a few tbs butter & olive oil (hint: use way more than you think you need) in a pan on medium heat. Add enough panko flakes to create a thin layer on the bottom of the pan. Season generously with salt & pepper and stir well. Reduce the heat to low and let the flakes get nice and toasty while you do the next steps. They can be kept on very low heat the whole time you cook, just make sure they don’t burn!Melt a few tbs butter and a little olive oil in a different, larger wok or skillet on low heat.Add garlic & as many red pepper flakes as you want. Stir frequently to make sure garlic doesn’t burn (this is important).After about 5 minutes, (or as long as your patience will allow) turn heat up to medium-high and add shrimp, stirring. Cook for 2-3 minutes until pink and almost opaque. Add enough wine to coat the bottom of the pan and then some. Let the wine boil and reduce, stirring often, for a few minutes or until it’s reduced a bit. Reduce heat to medium/medium-low.Add the fettuccine, reserved cooking water, chopped herbs, and a good squeeze of lemon juice to pan and stir well to incorporate (tongs are best for this). Season with salt & pepper and let it do its thing for a minute or two.If you want to be a classy grownup about it, saute a little arugula and tear raw spinach into your scampi.Divide into two bowls. Top it off with the fried panko flakes. Serve immediately.
Zoom Info
Are you tired endless white wine/shrimp combo recipes? Didn’t think so, but here’s one which uses red wine instead.I use the word “purple” loosely but with great conviction here…Meaning, it’s purple because I said it is. And because the merlot kind of makes it look that way. To be honest, I didn’t have white wine, or I would have used it instead. But to my delight, merlot does a really interesting job of working with traditional scampi ingredients and adds sort of a punch where white wine adds more of a sparkle. This recipe includes an amazing(ly simple) worth-buying-panko-for topping that satisfies any need you may have for a crispy, greasy, peppery crunch. Optional, yes, but highly recommended. Purple shrimp scampiserves 2 a LOT of butter (about 1/2 stick)some olive oilenough fettuccine for 2as many shrimp as you want1/2 head garlic, minced or squeezed through garlic pressred pepper flakesabout 1/2 cup merlotfresh chopped basil & parsleypanko flakes (optional)salt & pepper (lemon pepper pictured here)lemon juice (not pictured)arugula & spinach (optional) Cook fettuccine & drain when it’s al dente. Reserve about 1/3 cup of the pasta cooking water — it’s full of awesome starch that is very helpful in sauces.Heat a few tbs butter & olive oil (hint: use way more than you think you need) in a pan on medium heat. Add enough panko flakes to create a thin layer on the bottom of the pan. Season generously with salt & pepper and stir well. Reduce the heat to low and let the flakes get nice and toasty while you do the next steps. They can be kept on very low heat the whole time you cook, just make sure they don’t burn!Melt a few tbs butter and a little olive oil in a different, larger wok or skillet on low heat.Add garlic & as many red pepper flakes as you want. Stir frequently to make sure garlic doesn’t burn (this is important).After about 5 minutes, (or as long as your patience will allow) turn heat up to medium-high and add shrimp, stirring. Cook for 2-3 minutes until pink and almost opaque. Add enough wine to coat the bottom of the pan and then some. Let the wine boil and reduce, stirring often, for a few minutes or until it’s reduced a bit. Reduce heat to medium/medium-low.Add the fettuccine, reserved cooking water, chopped herbs, and a good squeeze of lemon juice to pan and stir well to incorporate (tongs are best for this). Season with salt & pepper and let it do its thing for a minute or two.If you want to be a classy grownup about it, saute a little arugula and tear raw spinach into your scampi.Divide into two bowls. Top it off with the fried panko flakes. Serve immediately.
Zoom Info
Are you tired endless white wine/shrimp combo recipes? Didn’t think so, but here’s one which uses red wine instead.I use the word “purple” loosely but with great conviction here…Meaning, it’s purple because I said it is. And because the merlot kind of makes it look that way. To be honest, I didn’t have white wine, or I would have used it instead. But to my delight, merlot does a really interesting job of working with traditional scampi ingredients and adds sort of a punch where white wine adds more of a sparkle. This recipe includes an amazing(ly simple) worth-buying-panko-for topping that satisfies any need you may have for a crispy, greasy, peppery crunch. Optional, yes, but highly recommended. Purple shrimp scampiserves 2 a LOT of butter (about 1/2 stick)some olive oilenough fettuccine for 2as many shrimp as you want1/2 head garlic, minced or squeezed through garlic pressred pepper flakesabout 1/2 cup merlotfresh chopped basil & parsleypanko flakes (optional)salt & pepper (lemon pepper pictured here)lemon juice (not pictured)arugula & spinach (optional) Cook fettuccine & drain when it’s al dente. Reserve about 1/3 cup of the pasta cooking water — it’s full of awesome starch that is very helpful in sauces.Heat a few tbs butter & olive oil (hint: use way more than you think you need) in a pan on medium heat. Add enough panko flakes to create a thin layer on the bottom of the pan. Season generously with salt & pepper and stir well. Reduce the heat to low and let the flakes get nice and toasty while you do the next steps. They can be kept on very low heat the whole time you cook, just make sure they don’t burn!Melt a few tbs butter and a little olive oil in a different, larger wok or skillet on low heat.Add garlic & as many red pepper flakes as you want. Stir frequently to make sure garlic doesn’t burn (this is important).After about 5 minutes, (or as long as your patience will allow) turn heat up to medium-high and add shrimp, stirring. Cook for 2-3 minutes until pink and almost opaque. Add enough wine to coat the bottom of the pan and then some. Let the wine boil and reduce, stirring often, for a few minutes or until it’s reduced a bit. Reduce heat to medium/medium-low.Add the fettuccine, reserved cooking water, chopped herbs, and a good squeeze of lemon juice to pan and stir well to incorporate (tongs are best for this). Season with salt & pepper and let it do its thing for a minute or two.If you want to be a classy grownup about it, saute a little arugula and tear raw spinach into your scampi.Divide into two bowls. Top it off with the fried panko flakes. Serve immediately.
Zoom Info
Are you tired endless white wine/shrimp combo recipes? Didn’t think so, but here’s one which uses red wine instead.I use the word “purple” loosely but with great conviction here…Meaning, it’s purple because I said it is. And because the merlot kind of makes it look that way. To be honest, I didn’t have white wine, or I would have used it instead. But to my delight, merlot does a really interesting job of working with traditional scampi ingredients and adds sort of a punch where white wine adds more of a sparkle. This recipe includes an amazing(ly simple) worth-buying-panko-for topping that satisfies any need you may have for a crispy, greasy, peppery crunch. Optional, yes, but highly recommended. Purple shrimp scampiserves 2 a LOT of butter (about 1/2 stick)some olive oilenough fettuccine for 2as many shrimp as you want1/2 head garlic, minced or squeezed through garlic pressred pepper flakesabout 1/2 cup merlotfresh chopped basil & parsleypanko flakes (optional)salt & pepper (lemon pepper pictured here)lemon juice (not pictured)arugula & spinach (optional) Cook fettuccine & drain when it’s al dente. Reserve about 1/3 cup of the pasta cooking water — it’s full of awesome starch that is very helpful in sauces.Heat a few tbs butter & olive oil (hint: use way more than you think you need) in a pan on medium heat. Add enough panko flakes to create a thin layer on the bottom of the pan. Season generously with salt & pepper and stir well. Reduce the heat to low and let the flakes get nice and toasty while you do the next steps. They can be kept on very low heat the whole time you cook, just make sure they don’t burn!Melt a few tbs butter and a little olive oil in a different, larger wok or skillet on low heat.Add garlic & as many red pepper flakes as you want. Stir frequently to make sure garlic doesn’t burn (this is important).After about 5 minutes, (or as long as your patience will allow) turn heat up to medium-high and add shrimp, stirring. Cook for 2-3 minutes until pink and almost opaque. Add enough wine to coat the bottom of the pan and then some. Let the wine boil and reduce, stirring often, for a few minutes or until it’s reduced a bit. Reduce heat to medium/medium-low.Add the fettuccine, reserved cooking water, chopped herbs, and a good squeeze of lemon juice to pan and stir well to incorporate (tongs are best for this). Season with salt & pepper and let it do its thing for a minute or two.If you want to be a classy grownup about it, saute a little arugula and tear raw spinach into your scampi.Divide into two bowls. Top it off with the fried panko flakes. Serve immediately.
Zoom Info
Are you tired endless white wine/shrimp combo recipes? Didn’t think so, but here’s one which uses red wine instead.I use the word “purple” loosely but with great conviction here…Meaning, it’s purple because I said it is. And because the merlot kind of makes it look that way. To be honest, I didn’t have white wine, or I would have used it instead. But to my delight, merlot does a really interesting job of working with traditional scampi ingredients and adds sort of a punch where white wine adds more of a sparkle. This recipe includes an amazing(ly simple) worth-buying-panko-for topping that satisfies any need you may have for a crispy, greasy, peppery crunch. Optional, yes, but highly recommended. Purple shrimp scampiserves 2 a LOT of butter (about 1/2 stick)some olive oilenough fettuccine for 2as many shrimp as you want1/2 head garlic, minced or squeezed through garlic pressred pepper flakesabout 1/2 cup merlotfresh chopped basil & parsleypanko flakes (optional)salt & pepper (lemon pepper pictured here)lemon juice (not pictured)arugula & spinach (optional) Cook fettuccine & drain when it’s al dente. Reserve about 1/3 cup of the pasta cooking water — it’s full of awesome starch that is very helpful in sauces.Heat a few tbs butter & olive oil (hint: use way more than you think you need) in a pan on medium heat. Add enough panko flakes to create a thin layer on the bottom of the pan. Season generously with salt & pepper and stir well. Reduce the heat to low and let the flakes get nice and toasty while you do the next steps. They can be kept on very low heat the whole time you cook, just make sure they don’t burn!Melt a few tbs butter and a little olive oil in a different, larger wok or skillet on low heat.Add garlic & as many red pepper flakes as you want. Stir frequently to make sure garlic doesn’t burn (this is important).After about 5 minutes, (or as long as your patience will allow) turn heat up to medium-high and add shrimp, stirring. Cook for 2-3 minutes until pink and almost opaque. Add enough wine to coat the bottom of the pan and then some. Let the wine boil and reduce, stirring often, for a few minutes or until it’s reduced a bit. Reduce heat to medium/medium-low.Add the fettuccine, reserved cooking water, chopped herbs, and a good squeeze of lemon juice to pan and stir well to incorporate (tongs are best for this). Season with salt & pepper and let it do its thing for a minute or two.If you want to be a classy grownup about it, saute a little arugula and tear raw spinach into your scampi.Divide into two bowls. Top it off with the fried panko flakes. Serve immediately.
Zoom Info
Are you tired endless white wine/shrimp combo recipes? Didn’t think so, but here’s one which uses red wine instead.I use the word “purple” loosely but with great conviction here…Meaning, it’s purple because I said it is. And because the merlot kind of makes it look that way. To be honest, I didn’t have white wine, or I would have used it instead. But to my delight, merlot does a really interesting job of working with traditional scampi ingredients and adds sort of a punch where white wine adds more of a sparkle. This recipe includes an amazing(ly simple) worth-buying-panko-for topping that satisfies any need you may have for a crispy, greasy, peppery crunch. Optional, yes, but highly recommended. Purple shrimp scampiserves 2 a LOT of butter (about 1/2 stick)some olive oilenough fettuccine for 2as many shrimp as you want1/2 head garlic, minced or squeezed through garlic pressred pepper flakesabout 1/2 cup merlotfresh chopped basil & parsleypanko flakes (optional)salt & pepper (lemon pepper pictured here)lemon juice (not pictured)arugula & spinach (optional) Cook fettuccine & drain when it’s al dente. Reserve about 1/3 cup of the pasta cooking water — it’s full of awesome starch that is very helpful in sauces.Heat a few tbs butter & olive oil (hint: use way more than you think you need) in a pan on medium heat. Add enough panko flakes to create a thin layer on the bottom of the pan. Season generously with salt & pepper and stir well. Reduce the heat to low and let the flakes get nice and toasty while you do the next steps. They can be kept on very low heat the whole time you cook, just make sure they don’t burn!Melt a few tbs butter and a little olive oil in a different, larger wok or skillet on low heat.Add garlic & as many red pepper flakes as you want. Stir frequently to make sure garlic doesn’t burn (this is important).After about 5 minutes, (or as long as your patience will allow) turn heat up to medium-high and add shrimp, stirring. Cook for 2-3 minutes until pink and almost opaque. Add enough wine to coat the bottom of the pan and then some. Let the wine boil and reduce, stirring often, for a few minutes or until it’s reduced a bit. Reduce heat to medium/medium-low.Add the fettuccine, reserved cooking water, chopped herbs, and a good squeeze of lemon juice to pan and stir well to incorporate (tongs are best for this). Season with salt & pepper and let it do its thing for a minute or two.If you want to be a classy grownup about it, saute a little arugula and tear raw spinach into your scampi.Divide into two bowls. Top it off with the fried panko flakes. Serve immediately.
Zoom Info
Are you tired endless white wine/shrimp combo recipes? Didn’t think so, but here’s one which uses red wine instead.I use the word “purple” loosely but with great conviction here…Meaning, it’s purple because I said it is. And because the merlot kind of makes it look that way. To be honest, I didn’t have white wine, or I would have used it instead. But to my delight, merlot does a really interesting job of working with traditional scampi ingredients and adds sort of a punch where white wine adds more of a sparkle. This recipe includes an amazing(ly simple) worth-buying-panko-for topping that satisfies any need you may have for a crispy, greasy, peppery crunch. Optional, yes, but highly recommended. Purple shrimp scampiserves 2 a LOT of butter (about 1/2 stick)some olive oilenough fettuccine for 2as many shrimp as you want1/2 head garlic, minced or squeezed through garlic pressred pepper flakesabout 1/2 cup merlotfresh chopped basil & parsleypanko flakes (optional)salt & pepper (lemon pepper pictured here)lemon juice (not pictured)arugula & spinach (optional) Cook fettuccine & drain when it’s al dente. Reserve about 1/3 cup of the pasta cooking water — it’s full of awesome starch that is very helpful in sauces.Heat a few tbs butter & olive oil (hint: use way more than you think you need) in a pan on medium heat. Add enough panko flakes to create a thin layer on the bottom of the pan. Season generously with salt & pepper and stir well. Reduce the heat to low and let the flakes get nice and toasty while you do the next steps. They can be kept on very low heat the whole time you cook, just make sure they don’t burn!Melt a few tbs butter and a little olive oil in a different, larger wok or skillet on low heat.Add garlic & as many red pepper flakes as you want. Stir frequently to make sure garlic doesn’t burn (this is important).After about 5 minutes, (or as long as your patience will allow) turn heat up to medium-high and add shrimp, stirring. Cook for 2-3 minutes until pink and almost opaque. Add enough wine to coat the bottom of the pan and then some. Let the wine boil and reduce, stirring often, for a few minutes or until it’s reduced a bit. Reduce heat to medium/medium-low.Add the fettuccine, reserved cooking water, chopped herbs, and a good squeeze of lemon juice to pan and stir well to incorporate (tongs are best for this). Season with salt & pepper and let it do its thing for a minute or two.If you want to be a classy grownup about it, saute a little arugula and tear raw spinach into your scampi.Divide into two bowls. Top it off with the fried panko flakes. Serve immediately.
Zoom Info
Are you tired endless white wine/shrimp combo recipes? Didn’t think so, but here’s one which uses red wine instead.I use the word “purple” loosely but with great conviction here…Meaning, it’s purple because I said it is. And because the merlot kind of makes it look that way. To be honest, I didn’t have white wine, or I would have used it instead. But to my delight, merlot does a really interesting job of working with traditional scampi ingredients and adds sort of a punch where white wine adds more of a sparkle. This recipe includes an amazing(ly simple) worth-buying-panko-for topping that satisfies any need you may have for a crispy, greasy, peppery crunch. Optional, yes, but highly recommended. Purple shrimp scampiserves 2 a LOT of butter (about 1/2 stick)some olive oilenough fettuccine for 2as many shrimp as you want1/2 head garlic, minced or squeezed through garlic pressred pepper flakesabout 1/2 cup merlotfresh chopped basil & parsleypanko flakes (optional)salt & pepper (lemon pepper pictured here)lemon juice (not pictured)arugula & spinach (optional) Cook fettuccine & drain when it’s al dente. Reserve about 1/3 cup of the pasta cooking water — it’s full of awesome starch that is very helpful in sauces.Heat a few tbs butter & olive oil (hint: use way more than you think you need) in a pan on medium heat. Add enough panko flakes to create a thin layer on the bottom of the pan. Season generously with salt & pepper and stir well. Reduce the heat to low and let the flakes get nice and toasty while you do the next steps. They can be kept on very low heat the whole time you cook, just make sure they don’t burn!Melt a few tbs butter and a little olive oil in a different, larger wok or skillet on low heat.Add garlic & as many red pepper flakes as you want. Stir frequently to make sure garlic doesn’t burn (this is important).After about 5 minutes, (or as long as your patience will allow) turn heat up to medium-high and add shrimp, stirring. Cook for 2-3 minutes until pink and almost opaque. Add enough wine to coat the bottom of the pan and then some. Let the wine boil and reduce, stirring often, for a few minutes or until it’s reduced a bit. Reduce heat to medium/medium-low.Add the fettuccine, reserved cooking water, chopped herbs, and a good squeeze of lemon juice to pan and stir well to incorporate (tongs are best for this). Season with salt & pepper and let it do its thing for a minute or two.If you want to be a classy grownup about it, saute a little arugula and tear raw spinach into your scampi.Divide into two bowls. Top it off with the fried panko flakes. Serve immediately.
Zoom Info
Are you tired endless white wine/shrimp combo recipes? Didn’t think so, but here’s one which uses red wine instead.I use the word “purple” loosely but with great conviction here…Meaning, it’s purple because I said it is. And because the merlot kind of makes it look that way. To be honest, I didn’t have white wine, or I would have used it instead. But to my delight, merlot does a really interesting job of working with traditional scampi ingredients and adds sort of a punch where white wine adds more of a sparkle. This recipe includes an amazing(ly simple) worth-buying-panko-for topping that satisfies any need you may have for a crispy, greasy, peppery crunch. Optional, yes, but highly recommended. Purple shrimp scampiserves 2 a LOT of butter (about 1/2 stick)some olive oilenough fettuccine for 2as many shrimp as you want1/2 head garlic, minced or squeezed through garlic pressred pepper flakesabout 1/2 cup merlotfresh chopped basil & parsleypanko flakes (optional)salt & pepper (lemon pepper pictured here)lemon juice (not pictured)arugula & spinach (optional) Cook fettuccine & drain when it’s al dente. Reserve about 1/3 cup of the pasta cooking water — it’s full of awesome starch that is very helpful in sauces.Heat a few tbs butter & olive oil (hint: use way more than you think you need) in a pan on medium heat. Add enough panko flakes to create a thin layer on the bottom of the pan. Season generously with salt & pepper and stir well. Reduce the heat to low and let the flakes get nice and toasty while you do the next steps. They can be kept on very low heat the whole time you cook, just make sure they don’t burn!Melt a few tbs butter and a little olive oil in a different, larger wok or skillet on low heat.Add garlic & as many red pepper flakes as you want. Stir frequently to make sure garlic doesn’t burn (this is important).After about 5 minutes, (or as long as your patience will allow) turn heat up to medium-high and add shrimp, stirring. Cook for 2-3 minutes until pink and almost opaque. Add enough wine to coat the bottom of the pan and then some. Let the wine boil and reduce, stirring often, for a few minutes or until it’s reduced a bit. Reduce heat to medium/medium-low.Add the fettuccine, reserved cooking water, chopped herbs, and a good squeeze of lemon juice to pan and stir well to incorporate (tongs are best for this). Season with salt & pepper and let it do its thing for a minute or two.If you want to be a classy grownup about it, saute a little arugula and tear raw spinach into your scampi.Divide into two bowls. Top it off with the fried panko flakes. Serve immediately.
Zoom Info

Are you tired endless white wine/shrimp combo recipes? Didn’t think so, but here’s one which uses red wine instead.
I use the word “purple” loosely but with great conviction here…Meaning, it’s purple because I said it is. And because the merlot kind of makes it look that way.
To be honest, I didn’t have white wine, or I would have used it instead. But to my delight, merlot does a really interesting job of working with traditional scampi ingredients and adds sort of a punch where white wine adds more of a sparkle.
This recipe includes an amazing(ly simple) worth-buying-panko-for topping that satisfies any need you may have for a crispy, greasy, peppery crunch. Optional, yes, but highly recommended.

Purple shrimp scampi
serves 2

a LOT of butter (about 1/2 stick)
some olive oil
enough fettuccine for 2
as many shrimp as you want
1/2 head garlic, minced or squeezed through garlic press
red pepper flakes
about 1/2 cup merlot
fresh chopped basil & parsley
panko flakes (optional)
salt & pepper (lemon pepper pictured here)
lemon juice (not pictured)
arugula & spinach (optional)

Cook fettuccine & drain when it’s al dente. Reserve about 1/3 cup of the pasta cooking water — it’s full of awesome starch that is very helpful in sauces.

Heat a few tbs butter & olive oil (hint: use way more than you think you need) in a pan on medium heat. Add enough panko flakes to create a thin layer on the bottom of the pan. Season generously with salt & pepper and stir well. Reduce the heat to low and let the flakes get nice and toasty while you do the next steps. They can be kept on very low heat the whole time you cook, just make sure they don’t burn!

Melt a few tbs butter and a little olive oil in a different, larger wok or skillet on low heat.
Add garlic & as many red pepper flakes as you want. Stir frequently to make sure garlic doesn’t burn (this is important).
After about 5 minutes, (or as long as your patience will allow) turn heat up to medium-high and add shrimp, stirring. Cook for 2-3 minutes until pink and almost opaque.
Add enough wine to coat the bottom of the pan and then some. Let the wine boil and reduce, stirring often, for a few minutes or until it’s reduced a bit. Reduce heat to medium/medium-low.
Add the fettuccine, reserved cooking water, chopped herbs, and a good squeeze of lemon juice to pan and stir well to incorporate (tongs are best for this). Season with salt & pepper and let it do its thing for a minute or two.
If you want to be a classy grownup about it, saute a little arugula and tear raw spinach into your scampi.
Divide into two bowls. Top it off with the fried panko flakes. Serve immediately.

Live farm-raised mussels are surprisingly affordable — I got these for $2.50/lb! Awesome news, because mussels are nutrient-dense and especially rich in brain-boosting B12 and omega-3s. They’re also comparatively ethical (can be raised sustainably/lower impact) for farm-raised seafood. And mussels have an incredibly sductive, yonic shape. And they are very easy to make. So, overall, a great way to treat yourself & impress cuties on a budget! I doubled the recipe to serve three hungry people. If you don’t drink white wine or want to avoid alcohol, I would suggest finding a different recipe (try one that uses clam juice) as this one is a bit boozy. Mussels with white wine herbed butter sauce(serves 2) 2 lbs live farm raised de-bearded mussels2 cups (half bottle) white wine like pinot grigio or sauvignon blanc1/4 cup (half stick) butter1/4 cup olive oil6 cloves garlic, mincedmixed minced herbs (try thyme, parsley, and basil)salt & pepper to tastea crusty loaf or baguette of bread Start by scrubbing the mussels down with a stiff brush under warm water to remove any gritty stuff. If mussels still have beards, ask the internet how to remove them. Discard any mussels that are open and don’t shut when tapped. Place mussels aside.Heat butter & oil in a large, heavy pot. Add herbs & garlic and stir frequently for about 3 minutes.Add wine to pot and stir occasionally until a soft rolling boil forms.Gently add mussels to the pot. Mix them around a bit and cover with a tight fitting lid.Let mussels steam for 8-10 minutes, stirring quickly once or twice.While they mussels cook, toast your bread at 350. Remove the mussel pot from the heat & serve immediately with toast!
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Live farm-raised mussels are surprisingly affordable — I got these for $2.50/lb! Awesome news, because mussels are nutrient-dense and especially rich in brain-boosting B12 and omega-3s. They’re also comparatively ethical (can be raised sustainably/lower impact) for farm-raised seafood. And mussels have an incredibly sductive, yonic shape. And they are very easy to make. So, overall, a great way to treat yourself & impress cuties on a budget! I doubled the recipe to serve three hungry people. If you don’t drink white wine or want to avoid alcohol, I would suggest finding a different recipe (try one that uses clam juice) as this one is a bit boozy. Mussels with white wine herbed butter sauce(serves 2) 2 lbs live farm raised de-bearded mussels2 cups (half bottle) white wine like pinot grigio or sauvignon blanc1/4 cup (half stick) butter1/4 cup olive oil6 cloves garlic, mincedmixed minced herbs (try thyme, parsley, and basil)salt & pepper to tastea crusty loaf or baguette of bread Start by scrubbing the mussels down with a stiff brush under warm water to remove any gritty stuff. If mussels still have beards, ask the internet how to remove them. Discard any mussels that are open and don’t shut when tapped. Place mussels aside.Heat butter & oil in a large, heavy pot. Add herbs & garlic and stir frequently for about 3 minutes.Add wine to pot and stir occasionally until a soft rolling boil forms.Gently add mussels to the pot. Mix them around a bit and cover with a tight fitting lid.Let mussels steam for 8-10 minutes, stirring quickly once or twice.While they mussels cook, toast your bread at 350. Remove the mussel pot from the heat & serve immediately with toast!
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Live farm-raised mussels are surprisingly affordable — I got these for $2.50/lb! Awesome news, because mussels are nutrient-dense and especially rich in brain-boosting B12 and omega-3s. They’re also comparatively ethical (can be raised sustainably/lower impact) for farm-raised seafood. And mussels have an incredibly sductive, yonic shape. And they are very easy to make. So, overall, a great way to treat yourself & impress cuties on a budget! I doubled the recipe to serve three hungry people. If you don’t drink white wine or want to avoid alcohol, I would suggest finding a different recipe (try one that uses clam juice) as this one is a bit boozy. Mussels with white wine herbed butter sauce(serves 2) 2 lbs live farm raised de-bearded mussels2 cups (half bottle) white wine like pinot grigio or sauvignon blanc1/4 cup (half stick) butter1/4 cup olive oil6 cloves garlic, mincedmixed minced herbs (try thyme, parsley, and basil)salt & pepper to tastea crusty loaf or baguette of bread Start by scrubbing the mussels down with a stiff brush under warm water to remove any gritty stuff. If mussels still have beards, ask the internet how to remove them. Discard any mussels that are open and don’t shut when tapped. Place mussels aside.Heat butter & oil in a large, heavy pot. Add herbs & garlic and stir frequently for about 3 minutes.Add wine to pot and stir occasionally until a soft rolling boil forms.Gently add mussels to the pot. Mix them around a bit and cover with a tight fitting lid.Let mussels steam for 8-10 minutes, stirring quickly once or twice.While they mussels cook, toast your bread at 350. Remove the mussel pot from the heat & serve immediately with toast!
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Live farm-raised mussels are surprisingly affordable — I got these for $2.50/lb! Awesome news, because mussels are nutrient-dense and especially rich in brain-boosting B12 and omega-3s. They’re also comparatively ethical (can be raised sustainably/lower impact) for farm-raised seafood. And mussels have an incredibly sductive, yonic shape. And they are very easy to make. So, overall, a great way to treat yourself & impress cuties on a budget! I doubled the recipe to serve three hungry people. If you don’t drink white wine or want to avoid alcohol, I would suggest finding a different recipe (try one that uses clam juice) as this one is a bit boozy. Mussels with white wine herbed butter sauce(serves 2) 2 lbs live farm raised de-bearded mussels2 cups (half bottle) white wine like pinot grigio or sauvignon blanc1/4 cup (half stick) butter1/4 cup olive oil6 cloves garlic, mincedmixed minced herbs (try thyme, parsley, and basil)salt & pepper to tastea crusty loaf or baguette of bread Start by scrubbing the mussels down with a stiff brush under warm water to remove any gritty stuff. If mussels still have beards, ask the internet how to remove them. Discard any mussels that are open and don’t shut when tapped. Place mussels aside.Heat butter & oil in a large, heavy pot. Add herbs & garlic and stir frequently for about 3 minutes.Add wine to pot and stir occasionally until a soft rolling boil forms.Gently add mussels to the pot. Mix them around a bit and cover with a tight fitting lid.Let mussels steam for 8-10 minutes, stirring quickly once or twice.While they mussels cook, toast your bread at 350. Remove the mussel pot from the heat & serve immediately with toast!
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Live farm-raised mussels are surprisingly affordable — I got these for $2.50/lb! Awesome news, because mussels are nutrient-dense and especially rich in brain-boosting B12 and omega-3s. They’re also comparatively ethical (can be raised sustainably/lower impact) for farm-raised seafood. And mussels have an incredibly sductive, yonic shape. And they are very easy to make. So, overall, a great way to treat yourself & impress cuties on a budget! I doubled the recipe to serve three hungry people. If you don’t drink white wine or want to avoid alcohol, I would suggest finding a different recipe (try one that uses clam juice) as this one is a bit boozy. Mussels with white wine herbed butter sauce(serves 2) 2 lbs live farm raised de-bearded mussels2 cups (half bottle) white wine like pinot grigio or sauvignon blanc1/4 cup (half stick) butter1/4 cup olive oil6 cloves garlic, mincedmixed minced herbs (try thyme, parsley, and basil)salt & pepper to tastea crusty loaf or baguette of bread Start by scrubbing the mussels down with a stiff brush under warm water to remove any gritty stuff. If mussels still have beards, ask the internet how to remove them. Discard any mussels that are open and don’t shut when tapped. Place mussels aside.Heat butter & oil in a large, heavy pot. Add herbs & garlic and stir frequently for about 3 minutes.Add wine to pot and stir occasionally until a soft rolling boil forms.Gently add mussels to the pot. Mix them around a bit and cover with a tight fitting lid.Let mussels steam for 8-10 minutes, stirring quickly once or twice.While they mussels cook, toast your bread at 350. Remove the mussel pot from the heat & serve immediately with toast!
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Live farm-raised mussels are surprisingly affordable — I got these for $2.50/lb! Awesome news, because mussels are nutrient-dense and especially rich in brain-boosting B12 and omega-3s. They’re also comparatively ethical (can be raised sustainably/lower impact) for farm-raised seafood. And mussels have an incredibly sductive, yonic shape. And they are very easy to make. So, overall, a great way to treat yourself & impress cuties on a budget! I doubled the recipe to serve three hungry people. If you don’t drink white wine or want to avoid alcohol, I would suggest finding a different recipe (try one that uses clam juice) as this one is a bit boozy. Mussels with white wine herbed butter sauce(serves 2) 2 lbs live farm raised de-bearded mussels2 cups (half bottle) white wine like pinot grigio or sauvignon blanc1/4 cup (half stick) butter1/4 cup olive oil6 cloves garlic, mincedmixed minced herbs (try thyme, parsley, and basil)salt & pepper to tastea crusty loaf or baguette of bread Start by scrubbing the mussels down with a stiff brush under warm water to remove any gritty stuff. If mussels still have beards, ask the internet how to remove them. Discard any mussels that are open and don’t shut when tapped. Place mussels aside.Heat butter & oil in a large, heavy pot. Add herbs & garlic and stir frequently for about 3 minutes.Add wine to pot and stir occasionally until a soft rolling boil forms.Gently add mussels to the pot. Mix them around a bit and cover with a tight fitting lid.Let mussels steam for 8-10 minutes, stirring quickly once or twice.While they mussels cook, toast your bread at 350. Remove the mussel pot from the heat & serve immediately with toast!
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Live farm-raised mussels are surprisingly affordable — I got these for $2.50/lb! Awesome news, because mussels are nutrient-dense and especially rich in brain-boosting B12 and omega-3s. They’re also comparatively ethical (can be raised sustainably/lower impact) for farm-raised seafood. And mussels have an incredibly sductive, yonic shape. And they are very easy to make. So, overall, a great way to treat yourself & impress cuties on a budget! I doubled the recipe to serve three hungry people. If you don’t drink white wine or want to avoid alcohol, I would suggest finding a different recipe (try one that uses clam juice) as this one is a bit boozy. Mussels with white wine herbed butter sauce(serves 2) 2 lbs live farm raised de-bearded mussels2 cups (half bottle) white wine like pinot grigio or sauvignon blanc1/4 cup (half stick) butter1/4 cup olive oil6 cloves garlic, mincedmixed minced herbs (try thyme, parsley, and basil)salt & pepper to tastea crusty loaf or baguette of bread Start by scrubbing the mussels down with a stiff brush under warm water to remove any gritty stuff. If mussels still have beards, ask the internet how to remove them. Discard any mussels that are open and don’t shut when tapped. Place mussels aside.Heat butter & oil in a large, heavy pot. Add herbs & garlic and stir frequently for about 3 minutes.Add wine to pot and stir occasionally until a soft rolling boil forms.Gently add mussels to the pot. Mix them around a bit and cover with a tight fitting lid.Let mussels steam for 8-10 minutes, stirring quickly once or twice.While they mussels cook, toast your bread at 350. Remove the mussel pot from the heat & serve immediately with toast!
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Live farm-raised mussels are surprisingly affordable — I got these for $2.50/lb! Awesome news, because mussels are nutrient-dense and especially rich in brain-boosting B12 and omega-3s. They’re also comparatively ethical (can be raised sustainably/lower impact) for farm-raised seafood. And mussels have an incredibly sductive, yonic shape. And they are very easy to make. So, overall, a great way to treat yourself & impress cuties on a budget! I doubled the recipe to serve three hungry people. If you don’t drink white wine or want to avoid alcohol, I would suggest finding a different recipe (try one that uses clam juice) as this one is a bit boozy. Mussels with white wine herbed butter sauce(serves 2) 2 lbs live farm raised de-bearded mussels2 cups (half bottle) white wine like pinot grigio or sauvignon blanc1/4 cup (half stick) butter1/4 cup olive oil6 cloves garlic, mincedmixed minced herbs (try thyme, parsley, and basil)salt & pepper to tastea crusty loaf or baguette of bread Start by scrubbing the mussels down with a stiff brush under warm water to remove any gritty stuff. If mussels still have beards, ask the internet how to remove them. Discard any mussels that are open and don’t shut when tapped. Place mussels aside.Heat butter & oil in a large, heavy pot. Add herbs & garlic and stir frequently for about 3 minutes.Add wine to pot and stir occasionally until a soft rolling boil forms.Gently add mussels to the pot. Mix them around a bit and cover with a tight fitting lid.Let mussels steam for 8-10 minutes, stirring quickly once or twice.While they mussels cook, toast your bread at 350. Remove the mussel pot from the heat & serve immediately with toast!
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Live farm-raised mussels are surprisingly affordable — I got these for $2.50/lb! Awesome news, because mussels are nutrient-dense and especially rich in brain-boosting B12 and omega-3s. They’re also comparatively ethical (can be raised sustainably/lower impact) for farm-raised seafood. And mussels have an incredibly sductive, yonic shape. And they are very easy to make. So, overall, a great way to treat yourself & impress cuties on a budget!
I doubled the recipe to serve three hungry people. If you don’t drink white wine or want to avoid alcohol, I would suggest finding a different recipe (try one that uses clam juice) as this one is a bit boozy.

Mussels with white wine herbed butter sauce
(serves 2)

2 lbs live farm raised de-bearded mussels
2 cups (half bottle) white wine like pinot grigio or sauvignon blanc
1/4 cup (half stick) butter
1/4 cup olive oil
6 cloves garlic, minced
mixed minced herbs (try thyme, parsley, and basil)
salt & pepper to taste
a crusty loaf or baguette of bread

Start by scrubbing the mussels down with a stiff brush under warm water to remove any gritty stuff. If mussels still have beards, ask the internet how to remove them. Discard any mussels that are open and don’t shut when tapped. Place mussels aside.
Heat butter & oil in a large, heavy pot. Add herbs & garlic and stir frequently for about 3 minutes.
Add wine to pot and stir occasionally until a soft rolling boil forms.
Gently add mussels to the pot. Mix them around a bit and cover with a tight fitting lid.
Let mussels steam for 8-10 minutes, stirring quickly once or twice.
While they mussels cook, toast your bread at 350.
Remove the mussel pot from the heat & serve immediately with toast!

This is absolutely, undoubtedly the most delicious basic sugar cookie I’ve ever tasted. Soft, fluffy, buttery, and light. I found the recipe somewhere online once upon a time, so I can’t take credit for it. I can, however, thank the universe for bringing it into my life by sharing it whenever possible and recommending you do the same.THE WORLD’S BEST BUTTERY SUGAR COOKIES1/2 cup white sugar1/2 cup unsalted butter, room temperature2 tbs milk2 tsp vanilla extract1 cup white all-purpose flour1 1/2 tsp baking powdersmall pinch of saltPreheat oven to 350℉Cream butter with sugar in a bowl. Add vanilla and milk to mixture and whisk together.In a separate bowl, mix together flour, baking powder, and salt. Add to butter mixture and stir until a uniform dough forms.Scoop spoonfuls of dough onto cookie sheet about 1.5” apart. Bake for about 10-12 minutes.
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This is absolutely, undoubtedly the most delicious basic sugar cookie I’ve ever tasted. Soft, fluffy, buttery, and light. I found the recipe somewhere online once upon a time, so I can’t take credit for it. I can, however, thank the universe for bringing it into my life by sharing it whenever possible and recommending you do the same.THE WORLD’S BEST BUTTERY SUGAR COOKIES1/2 cup white sugar1/2 cup unsalted butter, room temperature2 tbs milk2 tsp vanilla extract1 cup white all-purpose flour1 1/2 tsp baking powdersmall pinch of saltPreheat oven to 350℉Cream butter with sugar in a bowl. Add vanilla and milk to mixture and whisk together.In a separate bowl, mix together flour, baking powder, and salt. Add to butter mixture and stir until a uniform dough forms.Scoop spoonfuls of dough onto cookie sheet about 1.5” apart. Bake for about 10-12 minutes.
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This is absolutely, undoubtedly the most delicious basic sugar cookie I’ve ever tasted. Soft, fluffy, buttery, and light. I found the recipe somewhere online once upon a time, so I can’t take credit for it. I can, however, thank the universe for bringing it into my life by sharing it whenever possible and recommending you do the same.THE WORLD’S BEST BUTTERY SUGAR COOKIES1/2 cup white sugar1/2 cup unsalted butter, room temperature2 tbs milk2 tsp vanilla extract1 cup white all-purpose flour1 1/2 tsp baking powdersmall pinch of saltPreheat oven to 350℉Cream butter with sugar in a bowl. Add vanilla and milk to mixture and whisk together.In a separate bowl, mix together flour, baking powder, and salt. Add to butter mixture and stir until a uniform dough forms.Scoop spoonfuls of dough onto cookie sheet about 1.5” apart. Bake for about 10-12 minutes.
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This is absolutely, undoubtedly the most delicious basic sugar cookie I’ve ever tasted. Soft, fluffy, buttery, and light. I found the recipe somewhere online once upon a time, so I can’t take credit for it. I can, however, thank the universe for bringing it into my life by sharing it whenever possible and recommending you do the same.THE WORLD’S BEST BUTTERY SUGAR COOKIES1/2 cup white sugar1/2 cup unsalted butter, room temperature2 tbs milk2 tsp vanilla extract1 cup white all-purpose flour1 1/2 tsp baking powdersmall pinch of saltPreheat oven to 350℉Cream butter with sugar in a bowl. Add vanilla and milk to mixture and whisk together.In a separate bowl, mix together flour, baking powder, and salt. Add to butter mixture and stir until a uniform dough forms.Scoop spoonfuls of dough onto cookie sheet about 1.5” apart. Bake for about 10-12 minutes.
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This is absolutely, undoubtedly the most delicious basic sugar cookie I’ve ever tasted. Soft, fluffy, buttery, and light. I found the recipe somewhere online once upon a time, so I can’t take credit for it. I can, however, thank the universe for bringing it into my life by sharing it whenever possible and recommending you do the same.

THE WORLD’S BEST BUTTERY SUGAR COOKIES

1/2 cup white sugar
1/2 cup unsalted butter, room temperature
2 tbs milk
2 tsp vanilla extract
1 cup white all-purpose flour
1 1/2 tsp baking powder
small pinch of salt

Preheat oven to 350℉

Cream butter with sugar in a bowl. Add vanilla and milk to mixture and whisk together.
In a separate bowl, mix together flour, baking powder, and salt. Add to butter mixture and stir until a uniform dough forms.
Scoop spoonfuls of dough onto cookie sheet about 1.5” apart. Bake for about 10-12 minutes.